Listening to myself..
Oh my Lord,
am I ever a creature of habit – I reach for my cigarettes whenever I move from
room-to-room even though I’ve just had one and I’m wearing a nicotine patch. This whole process is so much more
complicated than just getting over nicotine cravings. I definitely know I am a “bored smoker” using
cigarettes to fill up every empty space I can’t fill in some other way. I might smoke more during periods of stress,
but I don’t think so – at least not in the long-term. I am learning and
re-learning so much about myself again through this next phase and I am glad
I’ve grown comfortable with the idea of listening to my interior voices.
One other
thing I’ve noticed is that I have developed some really good habits since
moving here – patterns of waking-up, making my bed, washing and putting away
dishes… even cleaning out the kitty litter has become routine. The ordinary patterns of life I was always so
afraid I wouldn’t master on my own, or would let slide if there was no one else
around to impress – but it hasn’t happened – in fact the opposite – I have
become more centered on taking care of myself, this house and my pets than ever
before.
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