Sunday, June 12, 2016

Listening to myself..

Oh my Lord, am I ever a creature of habit – I reach for my cigarettes whenever I move from room-to-room even though I’ve just had one and I’m wearing a nicotine patch.  This whole process is so much more complicated than just getting over nicotine cravings.  I definitely know I am a “bored smoker” using cigarettes to fill up every empty space I can’t fill in some other way.  I might smoke more during periods of stress, but I don’t think so – at least not in the long-term. I am learning and re-learning so much about myself again through this next phase and I am glad I’ve grown comfortable with the idea of listening to my interior voices.

One other thing I’ve noticed is that I have developed some really good habits since moving here – patterns of waking-up, making my bed, washing and putting away dishes… even cleaning out the kitty litter has become routine.  The ordinary patterns of life I was always so afraid I wouldn’t master on my own, or would let slide if there was no one else around to impress – but it hasn’t happened – in fact the opposite – I have become more centered on taking care of myself, this house and my pets than ever before.

Friday, June 3, 2016

It's Official...

I have officially bought my last pack of cigarettes... This is my "quit smoking" kit until I see my doctor again on June 20th... I am scared to death of gaining weight and/or failing at this... However I am committed to this even more! Say a prayer (maybe a lot of them) for me...